The Conflict Style Reality Check: What I Thought I Knew vs. What I Learned

There’s nothing quite like thinking you have yourself all figured out, until a negotiation exercise comes along and humbly reminds you otherwise.

During my Advocacy course, we kicked off with the Dynad assessment. For those unfamiliar, it’s a self-evaluation tool that reveals your preferred style of handling conflict. I walked in confident. Surely, I was a collaborator. Maybe a little accommodating on a bad day, but never combative. After all, I work in Legal Operations, our whole existence depends on fostering communication, bridging departments, and mitigating risk with a smile.

Then the results came in. And let’s just say they didn’t exactly match the polished version of myself I had projected.

When Reality Challenges Your Assumptions

It turns out my style leaned more toward competition than collaboration. I initially brushed it off. “Maybe I misread a few questions.” But once I sat with it, I started seeing traces of this assertive streak in real-life situations, especially when time was tight, stakes were high, or ambiguity loomed large.

The truth is, I don’t like spinning in circles. I want to get to the heart of the issue, lay it out on the table, and get moving. That urgency can come off as directive or even domineering, especially when others need more space to process or contribute. It wasn’t a good or bad thing. It was just a wake-up call. I had been assuming I was always the peacemaker, but under pressure, I could slip into tunnel vision.

The Challenge of Negotiating Your Own Habits

That realization brought another challenge: if I default to a competitive style, how do I avoid steamrolling the other party in a negotiation? Especially when the other side might need time, nuance, or emotional reassurance.

It’s one thing to talk about creating win-win outcomes, and another thing entirely to stay grounded when someone counters your carefully prepared offer with a number that makes you want to flip a desk.

So I started thinking about how to soften the edges without compromising the clarity I bring to the table.

Here are a few things I’ve been practicing since:

• Pause before I pounce. Taking a beat before responding helps me move from instinct to intention.

• Name what I notice. If I see hesitation or silence, I try to call it out gently. Something like, “I noticed you paused. Do you want to take a minute or ask any clarifying questions?”

• Check my body language. When I’m focused, I can come off as tense or rushed. I’ve made a habit of relaxing my posture and slowing my tone. The message can still be firm, but the delivery doesn’t need to feel like a SWAT raid.

Prisoner’s Dilemma: Trust, But Watch Your Back

The next part of our exercise was the classic Prisoner’s Dilemma. Two players, two choices: cooperate or betray. The outcome depends on trust, strategy, and just a dash of cunning.

Let me tell you, nothing gets people sweating like deciding whether to trust a stranger with their imaginary freedom.

I learned three things very quickly:

• Everyone claims to want collaboration… until it costs them something.

• The fear of being betrayed can be stronger than the desire to cooperate.

• Most people operate on a "trust but verify" system—and often without the verify part.

In the business world, this plays out constantly. Teams say they want to collaborate, but when budget time hits, it's every department for itself. Vendors promise partnership, but bury fees in fine print. Leaders say, "We value transparency," but keep strategies behind locked calendars.

Why Conflict Style Awareness Matters in Legal Ops (and Beyond)

In Legal Ops, we negotiate constantly, sometimes formally with external vendors, but more often internally. We negotiate resources, priorities, timelines, and the fine line between guidance and governance.

Knowing your conflict style is more than just self-help fluff. It helps you:

• Anticipate where things might go sideways.

• Tailor your communication to fit the moment.

• De-escalate before tensions boil over.

• Coach your team to do the same.

In short, it gives you an edge, but not a sharp one. It’s more like a polished tool that helps you do better work.

What Others Might Say About My Negotiation Style

If you asked around, you’d probably hear that I come prepared, speak clearly, and don’t waste time. Some might say I’m intense. Others might call it direct. I’d like to think it’s principled. At the very least, it’s honest.

But I also hope they’d say I listen. Because when I’m at my best, I do. I listen to what’s said, what’s not said, and what’s underneath the numbers. That’s where real negotiation happens.

Takeaways for Anyone in the Arena

So here’s the thing: you don’t have to be the perfect negotiator to be an effective one. You just have to be honest about your patterns, humble enough to adjust, and curious enough to learn.

If you haven’t taken a conflict style assessment in a while (or ever), do it. Even if you roll your eyes at it. You might find that the results reflect a version of you that shows up under pressure, not just the version you wish would show up.

And if your results surprise you? Good. That means you’re paying attention.

Final Thought

Negotiation isn’t just about winning deals. It’s about navigating the human terrain with strategy, empathy, and accountability. Whether you’re in Legal Ops, leadership, or just trying to get your kid to eat broccoli, knowing your style matters.

So the next time you walk into a negotiation, ask yourself: Am I ready to deal with the other party… or am I just preparing to deal with me?

Because the hardest negotiations often start at home, right between your ears.